Below are the 7 most recent journal entries recorded in cure this' LiveJournal:

Saturday, July 21st, 2001
10:17 am	Woke up at ten to nine to a blue skied morning. Reports were that rain and wind were going to set in for a bit. Walked up to Acton, my ears got so cold it felt like i couldn't hear things properly. Clear evidence. You talk about what happens, and I talk about what I do. It makes me feel, a little pathetic. I wish i could bring more. Slight apologies. Wish i had some drama to involve you with, but nothing happening presently, what with my bloody baths, and stolen bags, and no home i guess i've had my share. But then you didn't pick up and run with those much. Which is not a, not an anything really. Look i'm here i'm paying for this, and i should've finished before now, but i'm here, so i'm making use of this. I don't where you are. Thats nice and simple, isn't darlings? (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, July 8th, 2001
1:27 am	Its 1:13 am, i finished work a while ago, had a pint with them, and them came here. Its free access between 10pm and 6am, which is nice, but i'm not sure why they do it. They'd still have as many people in here if they were charging $1 an hour. No point complaining. Theres this add for voda phone at the bottom of my screen and its got all the words flashing really fast, its great to watch. Very calming. You'll forgive - i've had a beer, and i'm floored. I seem to be able to drink other things in large amounts, but one beer and i'm sleepy happy and stumbling, and saying/typing shit. You'll forgive. They're playing this really crappy song, called 'Oooo, stick you' by Daphne and Celeste, two 15 year old looking girls who sing in baby chipmunk type voices and pretend to be cute and obnoxious teenagers. Lots of faux fur shurgs, sparkly eyeshadow and lollipop colours. ooo, that voda phone add has come back. its great *smile* i might just look at it for a bit. its gone now. you'll forgive. how dare you be having a life. (Comment on this)
Monday, May 14th, 2001
8:57 pm	seeking sympathy. getting back to old ways. bad thing. feeling pathetic. feeling justified. i don't attract sympathy you see. maybe i don't let my guard down enough to let it in. no one ever feels the need to make the effort. i feel recently like thats all i ever do. walked out this morning without saying goodbye. unusual to do that, a bitchy thing to do. noticeable too. didn't mean it to be, but they were all next to the door. just needed to get out. have had enough 'niceness' and trying to be 'supportive'. waiting on others. Angela won't eat anything, and makes a big fucking show of it. Then there's the constant dillema of when she's leaving - as in - when should i leave, what should i do? i don't know. its your decision. i don't like fried food. so just get a sandwhich or something. maybe i'll just have a tomato sandwhich. fine great,no, no have some cheese or something too. oh, i don't know, i'm not really hungry, maybe i won't have anything. i don't know what to do. i don't know what to do. i don't know what to do. - so: sympathise, love me, coddle me, mother me, be 'nice' to me. and you know - i'm happy to, but not all the time. its a cliche - but i'm sick of being the 'strong' one. and i don't want other people perceiving me as purely that. it would be nice if people could sometimes look beyond the surface. perhaps my skin is thick, hard, tough, no perforations here. perhaps i don't need anyone. perhaps its easier. i don't like shutting down though. how are you? want to know. where do i go wrong? where am i lacking? where do i go wrong? its all just talk, and tomorrow is another day and all that shit. loking forward to hearing from you. flame is down low, i'm burning quietly in the dark, but i'll burn you before i go out. (Comment on this)
12:14 am	saturday night i work till ten. i come home, crash in front of the tv with uncan watching the meaning of life. around 11:30 hubba comes home. he starts to smash the house up he yells at and pushes us all, he throws his girlfriend down the stairs and out the door in her dressing gown. he smashes the house up some more. we hide in the bedrooms. you have never seen anything like it. he goes out into the street and climbs over cars yelling and moving after rebecca (his girlfriend), knocking on peoples doors, postering like hes fucking he-man. we call the cops. he resists arrest he has four of them sitting on top of him. he says they're hurting me, they're breaking my fucking arm. they take him away. he comes back the next day. his girlfirend says its over, she leaves. i'm at work when this bit is happening. i work a couple of hours late that night i get home around seventhirty or eight, i catch a cab cause i'm tired. the door is open, theres a policeman going inside, i think, oh no not again. i go in. jenny is crying, duncan looks stressed. there a couple of policeman. whats going on, i ask, jenny says, hubba tried to kill himself.he slashed his wrists in the bath. he was in there a few hours. hes in hospital. the police didn't clean up we go upstairs. and it doesn't look like water with blood. it looks like a bath with blood in it. the chain isn't attatched to the plug. and its hard to get that plug out of that bath. we get some bin bags and duncan wraps his arm up in them and tries to get it out. he can't get it out. so i try. i have to use a skewer to try and get it through the plug hole, where the chain should be. the pressure of the water presses in around my hand in the bag and i can't use my fingers properly, and its all my imagination, but the water feels thicker. we get it out and it drains away. we saw him the next day, his eyes all red, his wrists all wrapped up, dressed in a pink two piece outfit, like a prison in-mate. he just says, i'm sorry i'm so sorry. i allways like to take a situation and make more of it than i need to, increase the drama, feel everything double. and for what feels like the first time ever i don't need to do that, this is enough. he wasn't just my flat-mate he was my friend. everything is broken. not sure where i go from here. need to talk to someone in particular. (Comment on this)
Saturday, May 12th, 2001
5:18 pm	but i feel like a flickering neon, ugly and on the way out. (Comment on this)
5:13 pm	work today. someone's husband has left them. she's a lovely girl, carrie, only 22 and only married 8 months to a guy shes been together with for five years. he's a DJ, and it seems he went out working on fri night, didn't come home sat, carrie was frantic, then finally sat evening she found a note saying, sorry etc etc. what a fucking prick. says he isn't in love with her anymore, and has found someone else. *sigh* i feel badly for her. its cold. i need a jumnper. stimulate me. i need it. (Comment on this)
5:09 pm	maybe when i see truth. i'm not seeing any falseness. but when its real i'll shine so bright. i've got this feeling though that the one chance when i'll get to really shine in my life will be when i'm alone, and out of reach, i'll shine especially bright because i'll be unatainable. glowing, but alone. just my luck. i'll shine for you when we meet though. a warm glow. i'd prefer to fall in love with warmth rather than be dazzled into anything anyway, what do you think? (Comment on this)